Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Monday, 16 December 2013

A Christmas Letter

This is our second Christmas in Canada. We've never been organised enough to send out Christmas cards, let along write a Christmas letter. We love receiving them, bring them on please! So here is our attempt.

The O'Hara's Christmas Letter 2013

Well, haven't the last 20 months just flown by! We've had too many good times to count since we've been here. We've eaten great food, made great friends and travelled to some amazing places. As we keep telling our bank, we're here for a good time, not a long time. Some highlights of our Canadian time include;
  • Meeting my brother in New York;
  • Travelling with our Canadian and Australian friends to Vegas;
  • Going to Taco parties in LA;
  • Going to Chicago with our friends from Mexico;
  • Going to weddings in Wisconsin and California; and
  • Visiting the Niagara Falls on the American side.
We've been doing our best to integrate ourselves into Canadian life. I'd say around 50% of the time it's been a success. Sometimes lost in translation gets us confused, sometimes it's our skills. Here's some things that we haven't quite gotten right:

  • O'Hara has been fishing around 10 times. Not even a nibble. He has seen them swimming past his line on an underwater camera. They're just not interested.
  • I can't shovel the snow from the driveway with any success.
  • O'Hara ran the car into a snow bank, because he was distracted by an excavator.
  • I spend too long talking to border security, in the hopes they are distracted and give us extra passport stamps.
  • O'Hara's toenail has left a scar on someones ankle.
  • I will be the only one in the room laughing at beaver jokes. Other times I make beaver jokes in inappropriate company or at inappropriate times.
  • O'Hara is maintaining the Ugg boots are appropriate to be worn by men. No one agrees.
  • I still think that east is towards the coast. I get people lost when giving directions.
  • O'Hara is a retardant for wildlife. He's down about 15-1 for bear sightings with me.
  • I thought that the large bins that appeared around Halloween were for waste pumpkins. O'Hara carried mouldy carved pumpkins up our driveway to the street, only to find them full of sand. For the ice. Obviously.
  • O'Hara bought one set of warm, one set of cold lights for the Christmas decorations outside. Two-toned is not trendy.
  • I make fun of Canadians too much. It's too easy. #sorrynotsorry.
  • O'Hara asked two girls if they wanted to dink with him on his bike to the pub. That means something different here.
We've had some great successes. We've travelled to places we never saw in our future and seen things most people only see on TV or in postcards. Some of our best successes include:
  • Living in Canada for nearly 2 years and not ending every sentence with 'eh!";
  • Instead referring to everything as "brutal";
  • Doing fully sick "jumps" on our snowboards;
  • Conveying sarcasm;
  • Using our "Canadian" accents to translate from Australian. "Oh Heeirra";
  • Fly kicking Christmas trees;
  • Loving the shit out of poutine; and
  • Travelling further east in Canada than most of the Canadians we've met. 
We love having guests and have had some wonderful times with our friends and family. More of you are welcome. Have I not made this clear enough?! We've explored, hiked, fished, kayaked, camped, swam, drank, eaten, played candy crush, snowboarded, sledded, skated and talked with some of our favourite people in the world. Our most favourite guest of all? ...... Gilly! I managed to win her back over after two nights and a few walks up Kenna Cartwright. I thought that friendship was over, so what a relief when she loved me again!

As my Christmas gift to every one, O'Hara and I got out the cheese and created some wonderful "traditional" Christmas photos. I am taking a huge risk putting these online guys. These photos will probably end up on that "AFP" website (I'm not saying the full name, otherwise it might come up in a search). Y'all are welcome! Merry Christmas xxx

Oh my GOODNESS! Gifts xxx
Cringey, cringe, cringe!
You can probably tell, we're basically Canadian now. I'm surprised they haven't handed us new passports yet.

Monday, 27 August 2012

I am a child

I manage to find humour in the most ridiculous and immature things. To me toilet humour is not old or childish, it's brilliant. I am the sort of person that has a meltdown when something is only mildly funny to everyone else. I'd like to think it's one of my most adorable *cough* qualities!

So, here are my 3 favourite "lost in translation" sayings/moments.

Fingering:
Thought you'd heard the last of that in High School? Move to Canada and you'll find you're sorely mistaken.

Friend 1: "If you ever see a guy fingering you from a seedy van, you'll know it's him"
Us: "?????"
Friend 2: "Yea he always fingers me from his van when he drives past"
Us: "Waaiiiittttt???? Do you mean gives you the finger?"
Friends: "Ummm yes. What did you think?"
Us" "Welllllll........"

Gross. Canadians are gross!

Canada: Flipping the bird
Australia: I think it's fairly obvious... but just in case: 3rd base

Roots:
Roots is a Canadian brand. They have lots of nice stuff. BUT IT'S CALLED ROOTS!!!

I don't know if this is a new thing, but a lot of the clothing has a beaver on it. This CANNOT be a coincidence!
Taking photos of my Roots Beaver
Canada: A Canadian brand, something that bears eat
Australia: F*#cks

Fanny:
This isn't as common in Canada as it is in the US, but if you really want to creep out an Australian, tell them "I can't have another serving of dessert, it'll go straight to my fanny!".
"If I have Poutine once more, my fanny won't fit into my jeans"
Canada: Bum
Australia: Lady bits

You just can't make this stuff up!

Also: Poutine is chips and gravy with cheese curd. OH. MY. GOODNESS. It's kinda like melted cheese on your chips and gravy. But better. So much better!