The first year was just a practice round, this/last year was the real deal. This Christmas we again congregated at Kelly and Paul’s
house for an Australian Invasion. The main course… a Turducken!! For those that
don’t know, a Turducken is a turkey stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a
chicken. The turkey is a whole bird and the duck and chicken are de-boned. It
was absolutely freaking delicious. As is the Canadian thing to do, the whole thing was chucked in a turkey fryer. These miraculous contraptions are the
easiest way to cook a turkey. Rather than waiting around the over for hours, a
bird can be done in about 45min! As the outside skin of the bird is the only
part in contact with the oil, it’s also not nearly as bad for you as you would
expect.
I made Christmas ham! All by myself! I think that's why O'Hara wore the jumper again.
The most delicious birds you've ever seen, and Master Chef.
I ate myself stupid and suffered from the turkey sleeping
power for a good hour after dinner.
On Boxing Day, Kamloops was the lucky recipient of freezing
rain. Australians, this is rain that is super chilled so as soon as it hits any
surface it freezes. It also happens to turn every flat surface into a skating
rink. We were planning on leaving early and driving to Whistler to meet a
friend from high school, but this mess and black ice on the road meant we
delayed until after lunch. Luckily for us it warmed up and the roads were clear
and we got to see Sarah and Shaun. Unfortunately we could only stay for one
night as we had booked Silver Star for the next 5 nights.
Friend! High school friend!
Silver Star was a great success for the period between
Christmas and New Year. The Wilsons, Ouimets and Greg and Lil were all there to
ski with, drink with, eat with and play games with. We managed to get 4 solid
days of snowboarding in, though I’m unsure if my skills progressed at all.
O’Hara and I have taken it upon ourselves to learn how to do jumps on our
snowboard. I think this should be quite easy, as children seem to have no
problem doing it. Sadly for us this isn’t the case.
I look casual, but really fell about 5 times trying to get this pic.
With views like this, why wouldn't you get a pic in the snow in your bikini?
We went on a snowshoeing adventure while we were there. That was a good time! A guide took us on all these paths you'd never see by yourself. Or if you did, you'd likely get lost and die. We had one near miss where we had our own adventure, but everyone made it back safely. New Year’s Eve ended up being a slight fail. The boys made
the mistake of going way too hard, way too early in the hot tub. As O’Hara has
found in the past, this can and will end badly.
I'm sure you've all heard of curling. Probably mocked it at some point in your life. Laughed at the guys sweeping the ice with a broom. Made a joke about how women should be good at it. Well laugh all you want, this game is freaking hard!
We joined the McArthur Island Curling Club's Learn to Curl program. It's an 8 week course where they teach you the basics of curling, and give you the the opportunity to join a league once you're done. We've been doing it for 5 weeks now, and I think to some extent we've improved. Those first few weeks I was in a whole lot of pain every Wednesday.
Let me set the scene, you have a shoe with a teflon coating on the bottom... and you have to slide on it on the ice. It's been going about as well as you would expect! The ice is actually covered with tiny little ice bumps that they apply with something that looks like a spot sprayer. The bumps help the stone move to the end of the ice, fast ice is "keen" ice.
Teflon and strategy
The basics are there are 4 people on a team, and everyone throws 2 rocks in a row (one team at a time). The captain "skip" throws last, and if you win the toss you get the choice to have the last throw "the hammer". Scoring is done the same as lawn bowls. You push out from the "hack" and the rock is thrown from something like a lunge position (hard), and you have to try and balance and slide on your teflon coated shoe with your back foot out behind you toes facing down. The slide is how the rock gets it's momentum, you're not supposed to push out the rock at all (but that is hard too).
Focus face, and they're "hurrying hard!"
The rock is thrown with a slight spin, either moving your hand from "10 O'Clock" to "12" or from "2" to "12". The Skip at the other end of the ice tells you where the want the rock, and which way they want you to curl it. For 3 weeks I think I needed bumpers, as I had huge issues getting the rock to stay inside our sheet of ice. The sweepers have to work out how fast the rock is going, and whether they need to sweep (to make it go further) or leave it in order for it to land where the skip is requesting. This is also really hard to gauge, and the majority of the rocks I'm sweeping for either run out the back or don't make it into play. The struggle is real!
We're cool!
I'm also not someone you want on your team. Not just because I'm a hazard, but I also get too much enjoyment from other people falling over. Twice I've actually said "YES". Out loud. Sorry team!
Everyone is so convinced that Australia is a death trap. You've heard it before, "every living creature there wants to kill you". This is true to an extent. However, I am completely convinced that at least in Australia you can generally avoid such terrifying creatures if you wish.
In Canada near death experiences are at every turn. Whether you're crossing the road, camping, hiking, driving, doing snow sports, or crossing frozen lakes it's a matter of life and death half the time.
Deathly Weather
We've worked out Kamloops has a relatively mild winter, this can't be said for the rest of Canada however. Think you can survive outside for long when it's -30 degC? Unlikely! I hope you like frostbite, frozen lungs and hypothermia because that's what will happen. If the cold isn't enough, feel free to add some freezing rain or fog, wind chill or a blizzard. Check it out all the ways the weather wants to kill you at CBC, love!
Apparently avalanches are a thing here as well. This weekend there is an "Extreme Risk" or something because of the pineapple express (I'm just as confused as you are). The highways have to get closed every so often for avalanche control. Crazy!
Terrifying Creatures
How may you die by an animal in Canada? Let me count the ways.
Brown and Grizzly Bears
Wolverine
Cougars
Orca
Rattle Snake
Elk
Polar Bear
Moose
Recluse Spider
I can't really complain about snakes and spiders in Canada, Australia is obviously worse. However, I maintain I would much rather be bitten by a Brown Snake than a Rattle. I figure while the venom may be much more toxic, the fact that browns are Elapidaes and often do dummy bites totally works in my favour. I can control my lymphatic system much easier than my heart!
Elk are mean and will attack if you're not careful, Moose are generally just dangerous road blocks though I have heard stories of them going after you if you bug them too much.
The amount of camping and hiking stories that have given me chills, is a zillion times higher than the number of people I know who have been involved in a shark attack. This may be due to the fact that you usually don't get a lot of warning with shark attacks, or maybe there are just a lot more carnivores wandering the bush in Canada!
Lethal Driving
Since winter is on the way out, it seems like driving in the snow and ice was just a bad dream. Sadly I know this isn't the case, and really it's the most dangerous part of Canada. The roads and driving conditions are only made worse by the Canadian drivers. This isn't a grumpy expat comment, Canadians have told me on multiple occasions that Canadians suck at driving. I've never corrected them. I mean, would you correct a Victorian when they said people in Victoria couldn't drive?
Living on the edge everyday. It makes Canada such an exciting place to live!
So, you've heard about the start of their holiday while Kristen was here. Ice-skating, snowboarding and winter fun. The rest of their holiday was much of the same, but also included a weekend trip to a cabin at Red Lake.
The most exciting part? I was allowed to go on a boys weekend away!! It's a miracle, but in their defence they didn't have much of a choice. I had to work all week while the boys were having fun, they weren't allowed to desert me! So what happens on a boys weekend? Scotch, cigars, cards, fishing, sledding, paintball, campfires, ribs, sausages, burgers and farts. Standard.
We burned out to the lake on Friday night and managed to squeeze in a bit of ice fishing. While we didn't know it at the time, Jez got the only bite of the weekend that Friday night. Guess what? He blew it. I don't think it was his fault since he'd literally only been at it around 5min. We were super excited, if there was fish this late in the day imagine what we'd get at dawn!
After packing up, having dinner, playing some cards and testing out the paintball guns, I for some reason decided that I really wanted to shoot someone. I'd never been paintballing before and wanted to know what it felt like, luckily for me Luke was a willing target (I think this had something to do with him being 100% sure he'd hit me, and only 10% sure I'd return the favour). We decided this is the best way to blow office tension, screw yelling at someone or giving them a dirty task. Shoot them with a paintball gun and all will be forgiven. This video is bad quality because it's dark, but I think it's hilarious. In my defence it's hard to shoot straight when you're pissing yourself laughing.
On Saturday there were at least 30 people on the lake trying to catch fish. We were armed with the underwater camera and spent a lot of time saying "ooohhh loook, there's a bunch swimming straight past!". On the way home we got pulled over by one of the licence checkers, who said that a lot of the fish at Red Lake had been conditioned not to take bait.... perfect. We're using that as our excuse for the dismal failure. So this leave the score at: Fishes 7, O'Hara 0.
We did try hard before lighting a fire and giving up
So to burn off our sorrows, we had paintball fights at the top of the island in the middle of the lake. I think we were those bogans (rednecks) who ruin what is supposed to be a peaceful day on the lake. Our only saving grace was the fact we weren't drinking, but with the skidoo burning around, us yelling during a paintball fight, having a fire on the lake and generally being loud and obnoxious we were ruining the serenity. I would have hated us.
Ever wanted to know what happens when you put a hot grill in snow? Awesomeness!!
How's that serenity? Braaaawwwwppppp
Always safety first!
Our sweet snow fort and why you wear a mask!
The rest of our trip once Luke left was trying to kill each other playing pond hockey. I am the worst skater, you can see that for yourself. I put it in fast forward and cut out all the sections where people didn't fall over.
So much work.... to get this photo right!
Even though Sean and O'Hara were harassed by the licence dude for what seemed like an hour, we made it back in time to watch our first Super Bowl. As we'd only eaten protein all weekend (literally. Sausages, ribs, burgers, bacon and eggs) we were feeling a great need for fibre. Our Super Bowl snacks weren't very traditional with stuffed zucchinis and mushrooms, cheese, vegetables and dip, and some more ribs. Thanks Alexis and Hal for coming and showing us how it's supposed to be done!
For their final day I took them up to Sun Peaks while O'Hara was in a training course. Jez only had 3 days snowboarding all up, but he was probably better than me (devastated). Doing jumps and calling me a pussy for not going down Black Diamonds with him. I guess it's true. Sadly snowboarding mid-week has kinda ruined weekend time for me. What sort of chumps works full time and only go up the hill on the weekends. Epic fail O'Haras!!
This is how it should be done. Midweek snowboarding>>>weekend snowboarding
While Jeremy and Sean were visiting us, Kristen managed to make a quick trip up from her US tour.
The night before Kristen arrived, we took Jez and Sean to a Blazers game. It turns out when the Blazers play on Monday night, the have an awesome game. I think it needs to happen more regularly. We had poutine, beer, hotdogs, a win in overtime and tried to dance for our dinner. For some reason, the camera loves me when I'm just sitting in the crowd but will NEVER come by when I'm busting my moves. Shocking?! We convinced Jez and Sean that everryyyooone does it, I don't think they believed us but were good sports.
Ohh yea, bust a move
Love Monday hockey
As a mid-winter holiday, the options are not necessarily limited but are generally focused around snow or ice activities. While Kristen was here, we had a full day of snowboarding and O'Hara took them for a half day ice-skating/pond hockey while I was working.
O'Hara being the sports jerk that he is, has managed to pick up skating and pond hockey quite quickly. Video suggest that he's the only one who can actually skate, where as everyone else sort of shuffles around. Kristen picked up skating after about 15 minutes and clearly states (on video) that she's mastered it and starts skating in circles. O'Hara promptly calls half time and everyone leaves the makeshift rink. It didn't make a lot of sense since he was on her team!
Sun Peak snowboarding was obviously a win. We had an awesome powder day which was perfect for Kristen and Jez to test out their first time. It was also the first time I've snowboarded power and actually been able to snowboard. It. Was. AWESOME!
They had two lessons with an awesome instructor that meant they were set. Jez is also a sports jerk and was doing black diamonds by the second day and tree runs by the third. I also had a lesson (it was a Wednesday so I was the only one) which was the best idea I've had all season. I was able to go at my own pace and he taught me a lot. I was taught how to do tree runs properly in theory (in practice I was falling over constantly and running into trees). O'Hara was heaps jealous!
Kristen getting all strapped in
On the slopes, covered in powder from falling over constantly
Nothing, it's a fact. Winter Wine Festivals are a win.
Last weekend we went with a bunch of friends to the Sun Peaks Winter Festival of Wine. This was a 2 week course of events held at a Sun Peaks, a local mountain resort. We went to the Progressive Wine Tasting event, which basically consisted of us wandering through the village tasting a bunch of local wines.
Cool wine glass pens and party of the crew
We had the most incredible weather all weekend, which meant wandering the village drinking wine was possibly one of the best nights we've had. Some highlights from the weekend, names omitted to protect the guilty!
Quick snack of roast chicken sandwiches before wine tasting, and pounding cheese without crackers at the event
Four snowboards were dropped off to get waxed Friday night, only one made it to the mountain on Saturday
Someone got their nipples rubbed by a colleague during wine tasting
Everyone always asking to try the Ice Wine
Someone took "good wine" notes that significantly increased in quantity over the course of the night
"Did you get that snow from outside?"
"Can I tip it out?"
One girl wasn't bashed by teens because they "heard she's a tough c*^t"
One couple lost the group, then met us on the way to the condo carrying delicious bread
Someone taught the Australians the value of a good rum snow cone
One couple went all "European" and got nude in the hot tub
The male nudie thought it was ok to try and wrestle people in the hot tub
Someone's stress ended in swilling rum from the bottle in the hot tub
Someone got drunk and went all SK
Someone having no idea how they managed to get into to the top bunk
Someone bled in the hot tub after being gouged by the nudist wrestler's nail
Two girls sat up in bed watching Clueless and eating roast chicken at 1am
3 boys had 3 different yelling conversations until 3:30am in the hot tub
One couple had to listen to this conversation through the window on the pull out sofa
4 of 8 people didn't step foot outside the condo Saturday
Mimosas Saturday morning
One dog having only child syndrome and never letting anyone pat the other dog
Someone woke up Saturday, got dressed to hit the slopes only to stagger back to bed
Pancakes and bacon one morning, and bacon and egg muffins the next
One couple made a late comeback at Crib
Cheese fondue for dinner
Two "Blue Bird" days on the hill, with positive temps keeping the snow soft
One couple graciously offered the master bedroom on night two, after spending a drunken, puking, full day sweating it out in bed
3 people started watching the Canucks game, until halfway though the 2nd period. We changed to Zoolander
No domestics between the 8 people sharing a 2 bedroom condo
Class
Rum Snow Cone! The toads loved the wine
I'm pretty sure both O'Hara and I lost some brain cells over the weekend. On Monday O'Hara went to Ottawa for the week (around -20 deg C) and forgot to take a jacket. That afternoon I left the petrol cap off when driving home. Fails!
We experienced our first attitude on the lift last weekend. Old skiers from AUSTRALIA! I was dirty, they're not even from here! I watched Mean Girls yesterday, best. This is how it went down;
O'Hara: Sorry, I just need to lift my feet a bit. Snowboards are a bit annoying on chair lifts. Old Aussie Bitch: Uuuggghhhhhh, you should have seen my face when I realised we had to share a lift with snooowwwwboarders O'Hara: Umm sorry, it's just a bit awkward. Old Aussie Bitch: You take up soooo much room Old Aussie Arsehole: THAT is why you're the most hated people on the mountain!
Maybe I should have offered them some Cherry Ripe? Or not sat down so much!
I never grew up with any preference for either. Generally the only people who grow up skiing in Australia are super rich. It makes sense since we don't exactly have a lot of mountains, and we also have the most expensive lift tickets in the world (in 2008 we did at least). I don't like the Winter Olympics for the same reason I don't like professional equestrian. If there is a direct correlation between ability and income, I'm not interested (yes I'm jealous, and yes you don't have to be rich to be good at skiing in Canada).
O'Hara and I decided to snowboard because 3 out of 4 siblings in his family have had at least one knee reconstruction. Dr. Google says snowboarding is easier on your knees because your feet are strapped facing one way. Where as with skiing, they're twisting all over the shop.
My boss has just started giving me attitude about snowboarding. It didn't come out of nowhere, I think within the first week he mentioned he hated snowboarders! As he's Australian and only started skiing 3 years ago, I can't take him too seriously. Apparently he doesn't like how they always sit down (jealous he can't), they are always high (not limited to snowboarders) and they have attitude (teenage boys? They're all jerks).
I think everyone's enemy on the mountain should be ski school/kid racers. Those guys always seem to be there when I stack it. Then zoom past and cover my path. O'Hara had a close call last week, apparently he rode over one of their skis. They have really, really short skis!
I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy... What is your winter sport? Why? BTW who could hate these snowboarding fools?
And if you don't want to watch the whole thing, a highlight GIF!
O'Hara and I were so keen to try this out, ever since we came to Canada and found out it's actually something that people do. My favourite thing to do is tell people I want to catch a fish so big it can't fit through my ice hole..... Unfortunately our first attempt went very similar to every single of O'Hara's other fishing attempts. Epic fail. Not even a nibble.
So, ice fishing is basically exactly what you'd expect. Drill a hole in the ice, sit and wait until you catch a fish. The fun part (aside from fishing if you get something) is the campfire, talking rubbish, whiskey and beer. Standard.
Watching the camera in the snow. Dedication
I love roasted marshmallows!!
It's also a pretty technical experience, if you go with Luke anyway there's no drop a line and wait. That would be silly. It's all about having an underwater camera, so you can see if there is fish there in the first place. How did we not catch anything even with a camera? O'Hara is the most unlucky fishing charm.
We also had a little mini hut thing, that you can sit in with a heater and fish for hours. When we went it wasn't overly cold and we had a fire so didn't really use it. I can imagine if it was much colder or there was more snow, it would be pretty important.
O'Hara trying to stay warm and some idiots on the underwater camera
We've got friends visiting in a month, so we're hiring a cabin by the lake for a weekend. Surely over 2 days we'll have to get something. I'm wondering if we don't take any food, there would be more incentive to catch something?
5 Things I should have know
There are so many things that may seem like common sense to someone who grew up in Canada, but these are not obvious to me.
- You have to leave the heating on in your house so the pipes don't freeze up
Me: I don't really understand how my heaters work, like whats the point of 10 degrees?
Friends: You can leave it on the lowest 24/7 in winter
Me: That seems like a waste
Friends: Well if you don't your pipes will freeze
Me: ??
- You need to carry an emergency car kit
Me: I'm just hoping it doesn't snow while we're driving, I'm kinda scared I'm going to die
Friends: As long as you have an emergency car kit, it'll be ok
Me: Emergency whaattt?????
Friends: You know, blankets, water, snacks, torch, hazard markers, shovel, first aid, tool kit, tow strap
Me: ??
- Skis and snowboards need to be waxed
Friend: I can't go snowboarding yet, my board needs to be waxed
Me: ??
- Elk and Moose will stomp you and your car if threatened
Aus Friend: The ranger said we were "waaayyy to close"
Me: Why?
Can Friends: Elk are crazy angry, they'll stomp the crap out of your car
Me: ??
- Narwhals are a real thing
Friend: There's heaps of wildlife up north, whales, seals and narwhals and stuff
Me: Wait, those things with the horns?
Friend: Yea
Me: I thought they were just a random thing on Futurama
Number 6 addition: You can't leave dogs in the car when it's cold too!! This I guess is obvious, but I'd never even thought about it. Apparently the car has some sort of fridge effect, poor puppies.
5 things I now have
I also now own a bunch of things that I would never had needed in Australia
Winter boots - these bad boys are good down to -30 degrees C
A snow shovel - unless I move to Mount Wellington
A balaclava - O'Hara has this so he can ride to work in the cold
Winter tyres - Luckily these came free with Wheels!
